I’m in love with someone who doesnt care for me anymore. I’m trying hard with someone who got mad at me for something I had no control of while I had to get over something you had control of. I’m begging someone for their attention and answers but they just decide not to deal with me. I’m faithful and honest to a person who constantly accuses me of cheating because of their insecurities and past. I’m mentally unstable and they ridicule when I feel down and call me weak. I was blessed with parents who worked hard to be able to provide me with what I needed and wanted but get called spoiled. I get accused of being spiteful and act out of anger but they destroyed my things and talk to girls for revenge. I’m always kind and do everything but this is fucking draining and abusive. You think I’m bad but you’re much worse.

I’ve become so insecure that all I think is negatively. I can’t even look myself in the mirror without feeling disgust. I don’t know who I am anymore. I used to be so strong.

I can tell he’s fed up. I can tell it’s different. I can tell it’s not going to be the same. I can from his tone of voice that he doesn’t want to be together anymore. I can tell by the lack of tears how often this is. I can tell by the constant arguing where the cycle is going. I can tell that we’ve given up. I can tell that no matter what it’s going to hurt.

Before you, I didn’t feel. I was heartless and didn’t care about other people’s feelings. I was inconsiderate and stopped caring for myself. Whenever complicated situations arose, I shut down and avoided it because I didn’t want to feel. That all changed when I gave you a chance. I admit, I curved the fuck out of you, but that’s only because I knew you’d be too good to me and I wasn’t in the right mindset to love again. I soon started to find myself, got my priorities straight and stopped worrying about “love”. I started to love myself. When I had it all together, you came along. It was perfect timing.

The first time we hung out I was feeling you hard. You were so sweet to me and nervous to be with me. It’s different with you. I get feelings that I’ve never felt before. I’ve never been with someone who reciprocates the same love I give and better. The way i feel for you is like the feeling I get when I pick up my guitar and learn a new song. The way I feel for you is like the feeling I get whenI pass my nursing exams. Every time I’m with you, I feel like I won a race and I’m always in first place. Everyday you give me butterflies and i feel like I’m living in paradise. I love the way you tell me you love me. I love the way you look at me. I love how you laugh at my goofiness and tell me you can’t stand me. I love the warmth of your body touching mine when we’re laying in bed. I love your patience with me. I love your family and your friends. I love how you check up on me. I love that I don’t have to worry about other girls. I love that my insecurities disappeared because you reassure me. I love how you fight for me. Despite all the shit we’ve been through, we worked it out. It happens and no couple is perfect. Each conflict only made us stronger and I love you more every time. I’ll take good care of you. I won’t ever do you wrong. Our love is inevitable and I am on top of the world with you. You’re the guy I’m going to marry.

I love you Andre Watson, don’t ever forget that.